Well, it's official. We made it. The step-dad is on his way home, about an hour from landing in Savannah and seeing my mom's face for the first time in a week.
And I'm living in Tempe, AZ. I'm a Tempian? Temporian? Tempster? Temptress? hmmm... not sure what the locals call themselves.
Anyway, here's the latest update...
I'm going to skim the rest of the trip. It's sufficient to say that there was more of the same, but I really want to tell you about the pleasant surprises of the last couple of days...
Surprise #1: When we got to Tempe and started taking my stuff up to my apartment, the guys who live downstairs jumped in and helped us out. Anthony and Eon made the move-in as quick and as pleasant as it could have possibly been.
Surprise #2: The step-dad has been surprisingly kind. It's actually difficult for me to reconcile his ridiculous human behaviors (which i think are funny), his assanine (sp?) controlling behaviors, and his sporadic but unbelievably generous acts. It's weird to wrestle with such contempt and warmth for the same person. Just odd.
Yesterday was probably the best day I've ever spent with Jabba. He was just so thoughtful. He let me do my own thing with putting my stuff away. He didn't try to tell me what to do. Didn't try to talk to fill the silence. He helped whenever I asked for his help and sometimes when I didn't but he saw something needed to be done. Yesterday, he was simply kind.
And I must say the man loves my mom. And that is endearing. He knows my mom in ways that I couldn't and somehow loves her in ways that I couldn't. Sometimes he tries to leverage that in ways that are just wrong, but the man does enjoy her and care for her and want to do right by her. And I can't help but love him for that.
In between unpacking boxes, we made our way over to ASU-- looks like a great place! I'll know soon enough--, grabbed some grub at local eateries (more on this later... yummy!), and made a dry run to the airport to make sure this morning would be stress free. It's convenient that the airport is only about 15 minutes away... hint, hint. Can't wait to come pick some of y'all up there. Good times!
It's kind of funny. The other day I was feeling kind of bad about writing about the step-dad b/c I realized suddenly that what I wrote didn't just affect me; it affects my mom and my sister and other people too. (It seems silly to me that that didn't occur to me before.) And I thought about pulling down the previous two posts. But I'm not going to do that. Those things are true of him. But so is what I'm writing now. And while the other stuff is funny, somehow I think this sort of understated kindness gets at the heart of who he wants to be. Don't get me wrong. Most of my interactions with him have NOT been characterized by this side of his character, but I have noticed that when he relaxes and is free from pressure (usually self-imposed) and feels like he's valued and not threatened (again, usually self-imposed) at all, then he really can be genuinely kind. I really think most of his way of relating is leftover from stuff a long time ago that has nothing to do with me or his adult life.
Anyway, last night we ate pizza from Nellos (a local family-run deep dish Chicago pizza place), drank the wine Ralph gave me to celebrate my new place (Wild Horses-- good stuff. Thanks, RT), and listened to Queen's greatest hits (the CD the step-dad got for the 1800 miles he ended up driving without a CD player). It was a good night. I usually try to avoid time alone with Jabba, and at the beginning of our trip, I was resistant to him-- polite and calm, but careful and quiet and inwardly resistant-- but yesterday and last night, I genuinely enjoyed being with him. Which surprised me. And softened me too. It was nice. So maybe, maybe, this is the start of something new. The start of something good. I hope so...
I'll try to post a video tour of my new place sometime very, very soon... and I'll put some more pics up a little later this afternoon...
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